Welcome.

I kena foodpoisoning sial...

Shit so much my ass feels like tearing already.

Not a nice feeling to have definitely.

):

11:45 PM

The life of a boy standing at the crossroads between anger, loneliness, depression and eternal life.

In every way that counted, I was dead. Inside somewhere maybe I was screaming and crying and howling like an animal, but there was another person deep inside, another person who had no access to the face and lips and mouth and head, so on the surface I just shrugged and smiled and kept moving. If I could have physically passed away, just let it all go, like that, without doing anything, stepped out of life as easily as walking through a door, I would have done so. But I was going to sleep at night and wake in the morning, disappointed to be there and resigned to existence.

Sometimes I daydream. Reminiscing on innocent times, wondering what went wrong before I snap back to cold reality.

The me who was screaming was so far inside nobody knew he was even there at all. Even I forgot that he was there, until one day I got into the car - I had to go to the market, I had decided, to bring back some apples - and I went past the store that sold apples and I kept driving, and driving. I was going north and west, because if I went south or east I would run out of roads too soon.

A couple of hours, or so it felt, down the expressway my cellphone started to ring. I wound down the window and threw the cellphone out. I wondered who would find it, whether they would answer the phone and find themselves gifted with my bleak life.

I could not find a radio station that would hold my interest. Eventually I pressed the scan button on the radio and just left it on, left it scanning from channel to channel in a relentless quest for signal, scurrying from pop to classical to sermons to gossip, three seconds a station with plenty of static in between.

Over and over. It washed over me, driving through the day, on the roads. Just driving and driving.

... End of introduction ...

8:03 PM

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Being Alone While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.
Losing Someone
Commitment
Looked down on
Where Your life is Going
Disappointment
Death
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Since I rank equally as high for 'Losing someone' and 'Commitment' here is the description.

Losing Someone

You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!

Commitment

Even though it may not always seem like it, deep down you are afraid of being committed to anything serious. You love the feeling of being carefree and not having anything tying you down. You're afraid that someone or something that may tie you down in life, will keep you from reaching other goals. You may also be afraid of getting hurt. You need to open yourself up more to possibilities and realize that sometimes it's good to be committed to something that you really care about. Just because you're an independent, free-spirited person doesn't mean that being committed to anything is going to change who you are.

Very true this quiz. Interesting.

3:00 AM

'What's your name?'

'Donald' he said. And then, 'But they call me the Runt. What's yours?'

The boy hesitated. 'Dearly,' he said.

'That's a cool name.'

Dearly said 'I used to have another name, but I can't read it anymore.'

They squeezed through a huge iron gateway, rusted part open, part closed, and they were in the little meadow at the bottom of the slope.

'This place is cool,' said the Runt.

There were dozens of stones of all sizes in the small meadow. Tall stones, bigger than either of the boys, and small ones, just the right size for sitting on. There were some broken stones. The Runt knew what sort of a place this was, but it did not scare him.

'Who's buried here?' he asked.

'Mostly okay people,' said Dearly. 'There used to be a village over there. Past those trees. Then they built a railway stop in the next town, and our village sort of dried up and fell in and blew away. There's bushes and trees now, where the town was. Nobody goes in them, except me. And some animals, sometimes. I'm the only kid around here.'

'I figured,' said the Runt.

'Maybe we can go down and play in them,' said Dearly.

'That would be pretty cool,' said the Runt.

It was a perfect early-October night and the full moon dominated the sky. You could see everything.

'Which one of these is yours?' asked the Runt.

Dearly straightened up proudly, and took the Runt by the hand. He pulled him to an overgrown corner of the field. The two boys pushed aside the long grass. The stone was set flat into the ground, and it had dates carved into it from a hundred years before. Much of it was worn away, but beneath the dates it was possible to make out the words

DEARLY DEPARTED
WILL NEVER BE FORG

'Forgotten, I'd wager,' said Dearly.

'Yeah, that's what I'd say too, said the Runt.

10:11 PM

Verse of the day on BibleGateway.com

“[Treasures in Heaven] "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”- Matthew 6:19-21

What a timely reminder for myself. I've been really tired the past week, sleeping just about 3-4 hours daily. Working hard to achieve my ambitions and goals, that sometimes I just forget why I want to do this.

I believe wanting to make money is fine, BUT the 'why' must be there, the 'how' doesn't matter. Oh maybe it does, just as long as it isn't unethical, illegal or immoral, haha. If the 'why' is just for personal gain, then I'll say to you 'what a sad life you live'. The sad thing is so many people in this world want to make money for personal gain, they will never achieve what they want because they will always want more.

That's why I've made a list which I won't share with everyone, 'why I want to make money' and put it up on my wall. So that I'll be reminded with what I have to do and not be distracted with worldly desires. It's never about me, it's all about Him.

11:59 AM

A new year a new beginning. Looking forward! Onward Joel!

2009 resolution.

- To grow even more closer to God and His people.
- To read and internalize and apply His word on a regular basis.
- PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY! Make prayer a part of my life.
- Not forgetting to tithe regularly to remind myself where all the money comes from and to thank God.
- Earn enough money to let my dad retire in peace.
- Get a driving license and buy a silver Toyota Vios by the end of the year.
- Be able to buy everyone nice presents this christmas.
- Treat all my best friends (if you think you are my best friend then I guess you are, but touch your heart first =P) to Kushinbo!
- Compile the complete comprehensive guide to the best food places in Singapore.
- Complete the Hogs Breath Challenge with 3 other people.

I think that's about it. In order of importance except for the top 4 which are like equally important to me.

Adult already, gonna start work, must start thinking of letting my parents live a comfortable life and all that. Lord Jesus please let the financial crisis tide over when I join the workforce and be part of THE SYSTEM! =O

11:55 PM

Go to your calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2008. Post the first sentence of it in your journal, and that’s your “Year in Review”.

JAN
I'm back after so long!

FEB
Wishlist.

MAR
Feeling very stressed now.

APR
Just completed 72km. I never thought I could do it till I did it.

MAY
The Gift of Forgetfulness

JUNE
Long time no update!

JULY
Today is such a screwed up day.

AUGUST
I'm going to leave for Thailand for a freaking long time.

SEPT
The last time I blogged, I was on my way to Thailand.

NOV
I was wondering what has army taught me so far, and I've came up with a list.

DEC
I'm in Vietnam now and Marcus Mel and I got owned by the Vietnamese economy.

Got this from amanda and justin's blog. Pretty meaningful. What's yours?

6:54 PM